I feel so fucking stupid. I more or less procrastinated on applying to Stanislaus because I was worrying too much, and I made some major errors upon filling out the application, like the total number of units transferable when I would be done at Delta. And also, for some reason, I drilled the fact that I had enough general units done in my head instead of the total applicable to a CSU, which significantly raises how many classes I have to take. So I have to rush to get at least 7 more units to reach the minimum number of units to transfer as an upper division student. On top of that, because I had procrastinated and waited until the fucking holiday, the deadline for applications is the day I get back to school, when I still have to talk to admissions to send over my transcripts.

the tl;dr version?

Fuck me.

You know how sometimes people on your friendslist post about stuff going on in their life, and all of a sudden you think "Wait a minute? Since when were they working THERE? Since when were they dating HIM/HER? Since when???" And then you wonder how you could have missed all that seemingly pretty standard information, but somehow you feel too ashamed to ask for clarification because it seems like info you should already know? It happens to all of us sometimes.

Please copy the topics below, erase my answers and put yours in their place, and then post it in your journal! Please elaborate on the questions that would benefit from elaboration. One-Word-Answers seldom help anyone out. (:

1. First Name: Denieze. If in any way that confuses you, I don't blame you. Being Filipino, my parents and many before them have made it their prerogative to bastardize their childrens' chances at ever succeeding in their lives socially. Seriously, how nice would you be to a kid whose name looked like it rhymed with DISEASE?? "Oh, but your name looks so ~exotic~" you might think, but you are ever so wrong. You have no idea how many times and ways my name has been butchered throughout the years. Think of any and all the ways you could mispronounce the name "Denise" except with a z in it and I have probably heard that one before. But in all honesty, I could never change my name. I used to hate it what with it being so fucking weird but having it for 20 years, it's grown on me. Clichés aside, it's a part of me ♥

( ugh, this took forever to do. and on top of that I was distracted )

I got bored today and made these



Feel free to take a few. Credit isn't necessary, but appreciated ♥



( now with Rihanna! )

( featuring M.I.A, Santigold, and Amanda Blank )

I didn't save all of these in png, so the quality varies. Also, I don't know how to format the pictures or insert the numbers to make them more organized, sorry. :(

THIS IS MY TOTALLY MASTERFUL SPREADSHEET ON EXCEL OF MY CLASSES IN THE SPRING '10 SEMESTER.

I LIKE HOW IT PERFECTLY REPRESENTS HOW I'VE SUPER EFFICIENTLY DIVIDED UP MY CLASS TIME INTO LITTLE INCREMENTS. ESPECIALLY WHERE I HAVE THAT 2 HOUR GAP ON MW. OOPS ;;

But seriously, it looks retarded as it does because...for some reason instead of my Psych 04 class being just one two hour block, it's two consecutive one hour blocks. Because it's more efficient that way, or something. Or maybe because the second one hour block is lab time. Also that purple block is there between Psych and Chem because it's literally the hours overlapping, lmao. Psych ends at 10:00 right when Chem starts, so I'll have to run to make it in time...but thank god Chem is only a floor up on the same building, and not, like, on the other side of campus, which is a plus!

And yeah. That's the tentative schedule of sorts for now. I want to take more classes to raise my measly GPA but Chemistry is the one class I definitely need for sure. And yet not only do Experimental Psychology and Cultural Anthropology both fulfill my last bit of the Social and Behavioral Sciences as outlined in the IGETC pattern for transfer, they're also the articulated classes I need for my major. So it's a good thing I can get them out of the way now, in the quaint little kiddie pool known as community college.

As productive as I feel, I'm disappointed to say I've settled. I've stopped fighting. I haven't even raised a finger in protest against having to stay in this sad little town yet another year, but I don't have the ammo. Or the resources. Or, most importantly, the will. It's a battle uphill, and there are just too many opposing forces preventing me from making my stride. So I've no other choice but to regroup for now.

I really am sick of myself speaking in metaphors all the time. I think I might start a separate journal where all that kind of shit + introspection + passive voice + stream of consciousness would go. I never was one to "censor" myself, but certain things have made me think that the "HAY THIS IS MY JOURNAL WHERE MY SHIT GOES AND IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT, GTFO" mentality maybe isn't the best approach at all times. I don't know. Just the disparity between my moments of grave, mostly cryptic seriousness and how I casually talk is sometimes just too big for me to take seriously on this journal. It doesn't accurately represent me or how I think. Again, I don't know. I may not even care in a few days.

In other news, I bought a blue satin sheath dress yesterday. I've put on a lot of weight in some areas and it looks super awkward since I'm below 5'0".

Just sayin'.

I am not the girl that writes spiteful letters never to be sent. I am the girl that bides her time, clenches her fists half way so that her nails dig into her palms and relinquishes any sign of victory if to soothe your aching ego.

I am tired of the men who see me as an extension of their mother.

But from Freudian's perspective that's all well and good, isn't it?

☞ I made a Freudian slip when I almost typed "perfect" instead of "perspective".

(I guess my brain doesn't see any problems jumping in league with the guy that thought we ultimately want to get in our parents' draws.)

 

I question my persistence and tenacity at forging an effortless manipulation of the English language. It really is the most pretentious and stupid, but the rest of the world is enamored by it so. I really am no different.I endeavor to chart out my stream of consciousness from now on.

I felt like a brat for the most of my Halloween and I'm not really going to go into it other than I most ungraciously and unconsciously made a fool out of myself and didn't realize it until I made a scene and probably lost a little bit of the respect I've garnered from my dad these past few months. But even though I could have handled my side a bit more maturely, I overall felt justified about how I acted. So, suck it, dad!

And then the rest of the night was spent putting in the hours making myself up as "Morgana", with most of it frantically going back and forth between wearing the wig or ditching it for the ears. The wig looked all right but it was just a big pain combing out the tangles and just looking at how much it resembled a fucking tumbleweed on my head. So as you can see above is what I finally went with, and even though I felt like a bad sport all throughout, especially compared to what awesome costumes my friends had on, it wasn't a big deal since this Halloween was by far the cheapest one I've ever had, and ironically, the only one I've ever done anything with friends on, haha. Go figure.

We originally planned to go clubbing in Sacramento but as soon as we got there was at least a 20 ft. line outside of the building. And when we stood by what we thought was the end, a security guard came out tell us that we had to go to the back of the line...which extended about a block away from the actual venue. So, naturally, fuck that shit and we decided to crash our friend's cousin's place in Davis to attempt getting into a college party. After we picked up some nom noms from In-N-Out, of course. (Mmm Animal Fries)

So we get to his place and fucked around for a while with the guys playing beer pong and the girls pounding some Jager + Red Bull. The guys that lived there made us Blowjobs and...very creepily watched us drink them...though I really didn't care how I downed that thing and who was watching because under that luscious dollop of light fluffy whipped cream was the precious creamy goldmine of Baileys.

Few hours later more beer pong, party that we walked 2 blocks to that was broken up anyway, ruined game of Uno, meeting Steven who was so fucking lit up he lit up the entire room, etc, here are the pictures :D

( Anyway, the shit you really care about )

So I really hadn't anticipated on being a jokingly self-aware mall goth "ironically" dressed up as a bunny until I hit rock bottom at the thrift store earlier today. But even then, I had no idea what I was looking for, with only a pair of bunny ears and a cheap "vampire" wig to go off of, so I was glad to have dug up some black tights for my ensemble tomorrow.

I'll post pictures of it tomorrow, presumably when I go out :D

I updated my profile! Check it out.



I miss updating here. I miss having this a space where I could unload anything, but I haven't had anything. So, I give you this, because it pulls at my heartstrings and I've been loving on Little Dragon like whoa recently.

I had a dream I married my ex (zirconiumfetus) and that I didn't even get to have a reception later. And then he called me a whore, haha.

It was terrible.

I want to lay my head on my icon's butt like a pillow!

/squish squish

( I've subjected my self-sim to live in poverty and squallor... )

It all may just be fun in theory, but I see myself getting bored of the challenge fairly quickly.

And yes that is the game running at its utmost shittiest, thank you!

IN LUST from Eric Wareheim on Vimeo.

I think I love Eric Wareheim. And I love this song. But I need to get it out of my head. I also want to be a skinny hipster so I could get away with only wearing oversized t-shirts in public.

Good night.

For one week, recommend / share:
Day 1: a song
Day 2: a picture
Day 3: a book/ebook/fanfic
Day 4: a site
✔Day 5: a youtube clip
Day 6: a quote
Day 7: whatever tickles your fancy

A total piece. ♥

I learned how to play mahjong and got whooped today! And then I came home and brought out ye olde mahjong set I had hidden somewhere, taught my mom how to play, then got rewhooped.

For one week, recommend / share:
Day 1: a song
Day 2: a picture
Day 3: a book/ebook/fanfic
✔Day 4: a site
Day 5: a youtube clip
Day 6: a quote
Day 7: whatever tickles your fancy

clarkandmichael.com

I feel like recommending this the day before the YouTube clip is cheating, but I absolutely ♥love♥ this web series, even with Micheal Cera in it. Cera and Clark Duke play off each other so well that it's a shame that they haven't starred in any comedies vis-a-vis.

I don't know why for the life of me my link redirects you to CBS, but if you have enough patience to google "clark and michael" and click on the first link, that should be the place. It's so worth it!

For one week, recommend / share:
Day 1: a song
Day 2: a picture
✔Day 3: a book/ebook/fanfic
Day 4: a site
Day 5: a youtube clip
Day 6: a quote
Day 7: whatever tickles your fancy

I really don't know what to say about this book to sell its greatness, lol. It's Murakami, god dammit, so if you're not in the know, then enlighten yourself mo'fucka!!

For one week, recommend / share:
Day 1: a song
✔Day 2: a picture
Day 3: a book/ebook/fanfic
Day 4: a site
Day 5: a youtube clip
Day 6: a quote
Day 7: whatever tickles your fancy

If everyone hasn't already seen this


My friend Cynthia (ableuangel589) wanted to know my opinion of love last night, and I promised I'd get the answers to her in a coherent fashion, so here they are!

What are you views on love?
Love is a mutual and residual feeling between two individuals. It co-exists with but is not entirely dependent on lust (Since I'm assuming she asked what I thought about romantic love). Love is not a booty call, or a one-night-stand. Love questions, defines, questions again, and redefines anything and everything about your being. Love is the place between compassion and complete self-abandonment. Love makes you whole. Love should never leave you empty. And love should never, never, ever be a crutch.

Do you believe love exists?
Either as a chain of biochemical reactions or a tremendous kind of will, I won't pretend to divine it as some kind of cosmic gift. Having the prospect of finding "the one" drilled into my head, growing up I used to nervously buckle under the pressure of each relationship and after fitting into this "mystical" stereotype. I'm not done growing, but I've learned that not all relationships will be monumental. Some of them will be mistakes. But that shouldn't deprive you of ever thinking that love won't "happen" for you.

Do you think everyone will fall in love?

No and yes.

Is it a positive or negative thing?

Positive.

In other news, I got a hand on The Sims 3, but I can't get the custom content to work! If you know anything about this, I would appreciate your help :)

Nothing is more fitting of my efforts to post everyday than this meme:

For one week, recommend / share:
✔Day 1: a song
Day 2: a picture
Day 3: a book/ebook/fanfic
Day 4: a site
Day 5: a youtube clip
Day 6: a quote
Day 7: whatever tickles your fancy

Wild Beasts - Fun Powder Plot (9.75 mb)

I'm also going to try to use my mood theme every post, so all the tedious work that went into it wouldn't be for naught.

I started Parks and Rec and it is okay.

Whew, god damn it took so long manually copying and pasting each individual URL. BUT IT HAS BEEN DONE!

See it here!

Now I feel like watching the movie...

Day two of attempting to post at least semi-regularly!

This week has been good so far! It's only Thursday but my week is officially over because of no school tomorrow. But, seriously! Only four days of school, Pho with my friends, getting an A on my Stats test and feeling super confident I also got an A on my Anthro quiz. This semester is looking up! The only bad thing about Stats though is now I have absolutely no reason to drop (not like I could) now that I kick ass at it, lol. But I can only stomach so much...

And about the Stats test! I was flabbergasted (I really did just use that word.) upon discovering I got 100% on it! I've never gotten full marks on a test for a subject that I was even good at! It's too bad that I immediately lost all my credibility of appearing smart by immediately forgetting where I sat (I had to temporarily relocate since a straggler test-taker from the previous class was in my default seat), and stumbled to get to my seat. /sigh And the people that sat around me for that class period probably think I'm weird for being completely stone-faced about getting that A, lmao. And the fact that I mumbled. And that I would suddenly lose my volume while talking and have it fall to a whisper. LOL. Can you tell I'm awkward?!

I seriously need to start grooming myself properly. I never was meticulous about my appearance (well, on most days) until I noticed that every female in my class were heaps more well-kempt than I. Their hair all parted neatly. Each tract of hair in place. They probably comb their pubes.

I am also the only Asian girl in class!

My dog has picked up the nasty habit of killing mice, and on occasion, RATS, for sport. Earlier today I noticed my dog spit out something she had in her mouth, and upon closer inspection discovered it was a dead mouse. Covered in ants. With another friend along with it a few inches away. I then got a couple of plastic bags (after bracing myself for about 10 minutes) to scoop them up and dispose of them, with stray ants crawling up my wrists all the while. It still feels like ants are crawling around and nipping at me. /shivers

Do you know how disgusting it is throwing out a rat?! Their tails are about as long and thick as garden snakes! Fuck that shit!